Reflections

The littles are tucked in to bed, Papa is at work, Kaitlyn at her dad's and I'm sitting by a warm fire wishing that I had magically already fallen asleep. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am SO excited to wake up, make breakfast and watch the Macy's Parade. I'm exhausted from all the Thanksgiving prep, but I'm happy everyone will get to have a lovely day. This afternoon, while enjoying Bridget Jones Diary, While You Were Sleeping, and several other Christnas movies, I was able to make rolls, green bean casserole, turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, pumpkin pie, and gluten free snickerdoodles. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a wonderful day. I love you all! I'm so thankful to be your wife and mommy, 

Letter to Lucas

Tonight little man, we watched you play on your new red saucer with Baby Girl. It was your rocket, and baby girl wanted desperately off. You love her so much, and it makes my heart incredibly dull to witness it. I tucked you in to Kaitlyn's bed tonight, and read to you book after book. You love Olivia books right now. Childhood is but a moment, and your dad and I want to soak up all of it with you. 

...truth...

Learning to Trust

As we enter the holiday season and the end of 2013 is quickly approaching, I reflect back on all that God has blessed us with this year. I usually connect blessings with financial gain, but I am slowly learning, (at almost 30 years old) that God has more up his sleeves than money. I was once again blessed to be a teacher at our local Christian school, but as I showed up for the first week of school, I discovered that I would only be teaching part time. I was in a panic initially, frustrated with my schedule, my finances, childcare, etc. This is not a new concept for me, as I struggle with having completed so much schooling, only to receive so "little" in pay. My job for the last 8 years at our private school, has blessed me so much. I have received healing from my teen pregnancy, been with my daughter everyday, had the same schedule as her, been blessed over and over again by the families here, so much that I cannot imagine being anywhere else. Now, only working part time, I see that God orchestrated it all perfectly so that I can be at home with Lucas, and fulfill my duties as a wife and mother. As humbling, as this experience has been in dealing with my pride, and my feelings in regards to my paycheck, education, and self-esteem, I can see how God has provided financially for my family, with giving Richard more hours at work, and little side jobs to sustain us.

This journey has allowed me to trust in the Lord completely, and realize once again that I have no control over what is happening in my life. I still get frustrated with the situation, when I see others get teaching jobs that I know pay more, or I see my husband's desire to finish his bachelor's degree sidelined once again, but I have to enjoy the moments that I have at home with my son, the ability to workout with my girlfriends, have a lunch date or a play date. These precious moments with my children and husband are worth far more than any paycheck that I could receive for teaching other people's children. I just have to remember that in the moments that I feel jealousy or discontent. God certainly has a better plan, than I could ever imagine.

August Changes

Our summer flew by. Full of lazy days, swimming and friends. I can't believe that fall is finally upon us. School is quickly approaching and I am thankful for the help of my parents as I prep my classroom for my eighth year of teaching. Kaitlyn will be in sixth grade, and Lucas will be loved and cared for by Renee again. I am thankful that we have such wonderful people in our lives who care about our family. Richard is still looking for a new job, that would provide more family time. He is blessed to have steady and well paid work in a time when our economy is still recovering. I know that God has everything held in the palm of his hand, but I still struggle with the uncertainty of the unknown. It is hard to juggle the kids, house, work, school, church and all the other activities of life. I have found myself overwhelmed as of late, attempting to discern where God wants me to pour my energy into. I know he has Richard and I where we are supposed to be, because no other doors have opened, but I am running low on patience and peace, missing my husband. Praying that each day I will be stronger and find more trust in the Lord.

"Single-ish" Mom

Life lately has been hectic and busy. I feel like we just run from one thing to the next. That we live in our car between swim team, play dates and parties. We are over scheduled to say the least. Monday through Friday I am a "single-ish" mom. I have been changing the terminology that comes out of my mouth from "single mom" to "single-ish" mom, after reading this interview from our first lady, Michelle Obama. Single Mom  is a label that I have worn before, after my divorce, and prior to my remarriage. I know that being a "single mom" is a difficult job, but that any form of motherhood is rewarding. After reading the article, I decided I needed to change my current label to "single-ish mom" I know that Saturday and Sunday, I have the husband to help me tag team the kiddos. My husband is working nights, and due to our schedules overlapping we see each other only in passing, as he comes to school to pick up our daughter, Kaitlyn for swim practice. I am constantly frustrated with my present situation in life. I am attempting to be content and find joy in our life. In the fact that my children have their health, that we have more than enough food and a warm home to spend our days and nights in. I am blessed to be able to work in a wonderful environment, that encourages me and my students to have a loving relationship with God and each other. It helps that before I go to bed, that I count my blessings and believe that this current situation of time apart from my husband, is only strengthening our marriage and preparing him for something else in the future. In the meantime, my little man is loving his first car.

...Little Man...

Lucas, also known as "little man" is driving me crazy. He didn't sleep today for his babysitter and the result was absolute chaos tonight. I couldn't help but think of the book I'll Love You Forever, because my son was seriously driving me up the wall. I am thankful that I am finally in bed, and able to escape on the internet for a few minutes, before escaping into hopefully a good book. Most of all, I am thankful that my son who thinks he is a big boy, is finally sleeping.